Hummm

so on wednesday i was a bit on edge and not able to concentrate or keep calm so i ended up getting really panicy and claustrafobic on dialisis cos im not allowed to get up or anything so i had a panic attack. and then i just went bleurghhhhhhh and had a full on episode. not a fun time. and then when i got off dialisis i was so angry so i smashed everything up. well a vase and a few glasses and then a glass at the stupid nurse. so now im reduced to plastic cups.. and then i had to have a session with the psychs and god they never shut up. they were like if your angry then do this, scribble on a piece of paper. do i look like i want to do a fucking scribble?! so then i just wrecked a few toys in their office and then got really tired and started crying my eyes out and they were still going on at me. grrr. and then i just went back to bed and slept til like 10 yesterday morning. whoa weird having a lie in and being able to sleep through stuff. but i had nasty nightmares anyways and then when i woke up in the morning everything was jsut really intense and bright and its just taken it out of me

and then today was a bit better . had a bit of a panic cos i had dialisis today again. n then a dr came and was like do you want to do some xmas crafts in the family room afterwards and i was like no fuck off lol, but then this nurse forced me to go so i was a complete bitch to them all haha serves them right. but i made a friend anyways called maisy and shes a complete nut job too cos shes been fucked up cos of abuse and prostitution too. so i spoke to her a bit and shes at the stage were shes like really open about everything and i was like gobsmacked. i cant ever imagine being like that. and then i went to see blair and give her my xmas card that i made lol (looked like a 4 year old had done it!) but blair was being a little madam and just wailed until she had her head rammed under my chin and her hand tangled in my hair and then she fell asleep a happy bunny