just suddenly got rly rly angry.. im so upset n not even sure why. i was lookin at another angel mummys pics and graphics etc.. and one just jumped out at me. im so so angry.. its not fair.. i feel like a toddler. i want to stamp my feet and scream and scream. im so jealous.. i am bad for being jealous.. im jealous of people who go down the shops without stupid oxygen, im jealous of god damn everyone :'(
its not fair

and i no life isnt fairy blablabla.. but sometimes it hurts and this is where im gona say it.cos its hurting now. i just want my babies.. i wish i had my twins together.. even once in my life when they werent in my tummy. ill always be a mummy of twins and theyll forever be together and part of each other. but i dreamed there hole lives.. i dreamed of dressin them in matchin outfits, havin double trouble, buying two of everything. and now i dont, i cant, i barely get to buy stuff for fairy.

the big stuff im learning to deal with, not ever using my twin pram as a twin pram, always having to use it as a single :( having twin sleepsuits boxed up, matching carseats unused, only one ever strapped in the car. but sometimes, it hits me, and i can barely breath right now, i cant stop sobbing. no one will ever say to me 'hey, your the twins mum' 'whats it like with twins' 'how do you tell them apart'.. im so incredibly insanely jealous of anyone who gets to experience that.

i want a cuddle
i want a mum
i want to feel safe
most of all, i just want my babies
and thats too much to ask for
i want to feel special as a mummy of twins :'(